Kanda's Guide
by The Sky Is Endless
Summary: Kanda's Guide Part I - Kanda writes the steps taken to stuff a lotus into an hourglass.


**Ok.. Completely random story once more. This one should have around 4-5 chapters only.**

**Pure humour... and slightly educational (Wow.. the "al" part of educational wasn't there until way after it was published... oh the irony.). This is the rough layout of a science experiment.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**Enjoy!**

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Kanda's Guide Part I - Stuffing Lotuses Into Hourglasses

Hypothesis: The lotus will drop its petals as life goes by.

Aim: To place a lotus into an hourglass and synchronise your soul with it.

Utensils:

- An hourglass

- A lotus

- Kanda's ultra rare invisible pair of scissors

- Kanda's special brand modified water

- The Millennium Earl

- Half a soul

- Filter funnel

- Wax

Risk Assessment:

(1) Glass may break. Clean up any breakages immediately.

(2) Special brand modified water will burn if it comes in contact with skin, eyes and if ingested. Wear protective gear when handling modified water or get Allen's left arm to do the work. If ingested, see your local undertaker.

(3) Ultra rare invisible scissors are not visible. Make sure you wear thick gloves when handling because they are very sharp. Otherwise, get Allen's left arm to do the work.

(4) The soul will fly away if kept away from body. Ensure that you take the half soul at the very last minute.

(5) The Millennium Earl will kill if not careful. Keep him in a heavily padlocked cage and it should be alright.

Method:

(1) Use Kanda's ultra rare invisible pair of scissors to cut the hourglass at the neck.

(2) Place lotus in the top half of cut hourglass. Be careful not to tear the petals.

(3) Fill top half with Kanda's special brand modified water. This will keep the lotus alive.

(4) Place bottom half of cut hourglass on top half.

(5) Drill a hole using Kanda's ultra rare invisible pair of scissors into the middle of the bottom half of the hourglass.

(6) Use the sealing knob of Kanda's ultra rare invisible pair of scissors.

(7) Ask The Millennium Earl to transfer half your soul into the lotus. If he disagrees, run.

(8) Quickly fill bottom half of the hourglass with Kanda's special brand modified water with the filter funnel.

(9) Seal base with wax.

Results: The hourglass was created.

Conclusion: The creation was a success and the aim and hypothesis were supported. The lotus wilts as predicted.

**o.o.o.o.o**

I didn't know why I was writing this but if anyone wanted to know the hardships I went to to create this masterpiece, especially Allen, they know now. **(A/N: In my other story "The Feeling Is Mutual", Allen and Kanda were arguing about Kanda's obsession with lotuses.)**

Firstly, getting The Millennium Earl was hard work, especially because he kept trying to kill me with mounds and mounds of akuma.

Secondly, picking up the scissors from the right side was hard. No, finding it was harder.

Thirdly, Allen and Lavi kept annoying me during the midst of my writing. Those two were, thankfully, taken away by Lenalee who was promising something that involved lots of eating and sleeping.

I sighed. My secret childhood dream to be a famous author was not suitable for me now. Killing and blood splatters were more my thing.

I had asked Kumoi to help me with my procedure writing, which was harder than I expected. My father, who was the mastermind behind making hourglass lotuses, had taught me the secret recipe for the modified water and handed me down the pair of scissors. It seemed like I wasn't the only one in my family who knew a lot about the lotus.

"Yu-kun. How long are you gonna stay there? We're bored," I heard from behind me.

"Don't call me Yu," I shot back, not looking at the person who was obviously Lavi.

"Kanda!"

"What is it, Beansprout."

Allen marched right up behind me and I turned around.

"What did you say, Yu-_kun_?"

"Nothing, _Beansprout."_

"Hai, hai! That's enough. Both of you," another voice said.

"Lenalee." Allen ignored our staring competition to look at her.

"Eh? Kanda? What's that you're writing?"

"None of your business."

"That's not nice, Kanda."

"Yeah Yu-kun, what're you writing?" Lavi said as he and Lenalee walked up behind me.

"It's some sort of... formula," Allen said. Timcanpy hovered around my piece of paper.

"Ah! I didn't know you like cooking, Kanda," Lenalee said.

"It's not a recipe for something edible."

"That's right. You don't need The Millennium Earl for cooking unless it's Thousand Year Earl pie or something," Lavi said, nodding.

"Well I didn't read what was on it," Lenalee replied.

"Hm. Lotuses, hourglasses and souls..." Allen pondered.

All of them looked at the hourglass which was right next to me.

"Can it be?" Lavi asked.

"It must," Lenalee said.

"KANDA'S SPECIAL SECRET FORMULA FOR HOURGLASS STUFFING!" They all said simultaneously, grabbing at my writing.

"No it isn't. NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

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**Short and if I say so myself, horrible.**

**It turned out a lot worse than what I'd thought it would be.**

**Anyway... review please!**

**Sky~**


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